Ciao Nobs,
It’s 07:30, we’re in bed in darkness. There’s a knock at the door. I’m half asleep.
Lisa: “She’s here already”.
“Huh?”. I check my WhatsApp:
Can I come to your room? – Sue.
She’s been confused by the clock change. She thinks it’s 08:30. Talk about an early wake up call we never asked for. She goes to the balcony to hang about.
Weather report says 22degs, slightly cooler than yesterday (25degs) but there is no wind and the sea is calmer.
09:00 Breakfast
Same table. Same routine; blood orange juice, tea for Lisa, cooked breakfast with leatherlike bacon (it looked crispier today but I was wrong), croissants, granola Stu, weird jam. Today’s jam for me was: prickly pear and quince. Yes you read that right.
After breakfast we plan to go to the pool. Once again, our room is being cleaned when we need it (happened yesterday) so we pop to The Evs to interrupt their morning chods. I read Stu’s blog which is hilarious – it is rare I laugh so uncontrollably that I have tears down my cheeks, but this happens.
10:30 Pool
There’s plenty of sunbeds and they provide new beach towels everyday. We’ve secured some poolside beds. Lifeguard is cleaning the pool, so no-one is in.
We scope out the wellness centre pool. There’s a really hot one with powerful jets, which a sign says you need to book but we check and it’s ok to use for free. I have a free hydromassage from the jets.
Lisa makes us move sunbeds to be more in the sun. It’s a good shout.
The infinity pool is as cold as ice. Maybe that was the real reason no-one was in it. Sue ventures in, so I follow suit. The temperature is bearable after about a minute of acclimatisation.
I’ve got a gay little man-bag now which I love. Big enough for phone, powerbank, kindle, wallet. Here it is:
The sun sure feels hotter than yesterday. I reckon that 22degs was wrong. Lisa wants shade now, so we leave the poolside and head to loungers on the beach while the Evs stay by pool in a shadier spot.
Time for a tray-bake snack that I nabbed at breakfast. It tastes like absolute shit. Lisa agrees.
I have a swim in the sea. There’s a small seaweed zone to get through but once past that it’s a seabed of smooth undulating yellow sand. The sea is warmer than the bloody infinity pool. I think they must pump ice into the thing. After drifting around and bobbing through the waves for about 20 mins, I’m done. Then some more sunbathing on the beach loungers.
13:30 Lunch
Sandwiches in the terrace bar it is. My feet are soaking still but what the hell.
My classico club sandwich is magnifico. Lisa has…drum roll…a cheese toastie. Sue & Stu have something that looks like panini’s, but it’s some sort of “potato bread”.
I remark to one of our many waitors, who looks a bit like Stanley Tucci, that the sandwich was indeed magnifico and he says it’s because it’s Sardinian or something. Full of Sardinian pride, obvs. Fuck the mainland.
After lunch it’s a bit more hydropool and then back to room for jacuzzi. I feel amphibious. Saw a lizard up close today too, and I FREAKING LOVE LIZARDS. When I was younger and on family hols, my dad used to say that if you catch one by the tail, it would shed it and run off. I really wanted a pet lizard but had no strategy to catch one because of the tail problem. Thinking about it now, it’s reasonable to think he was yanking my chain.
We watch the end of The Terminal, co-starring Stanley Tucci.
18:45 Gin Rummy
There’s a snug downstairs and it’s ideal for a game of cards. Before we start I get a drink at the bar and have too long a chat with Andrea (a man) the barman who has lived in Crystal Palace and Bristol, and is hoping to go back long term. Don’t worry, I told him England is fucked.
The cards do not go well for me. None of the cards fall right. The bastards would not let me even fold a hand. Minus score after minus score, it was just an absolute shit show. It’s like I’ve been subject to a gypsy curse or something. I reckon my score from those 10 games or so was around -250. I cannot believe that the others could not believe my incredulity at the situation.
20:00 Bonobo
Bonobo is the restaurant we were turned away from lastnight. There’s been a lot of focus on the fact that the guy we reserved a table with could not understand/comprehend the name Rob, even when I spelt it out. Anyway, I walk straight up to him and say “hey, have you got space for us tonight” jokingly because we were turned away. He had absolutely no recollection from lastnight so I just tell him that we have a booking for four, & don’t have to give my name – he points to a table of four.
The food is knockout. I have the chicken schnitzel, Lisa a Caesar salad, Evs a pear salad. Tiramisu for the GG’s for dessert. Wine and prosecco wash it all down. €87 – bosh. Bonobo’s are not monkeying around.
At the end of the meal, Stu reads out some of my Google reviews and I try and guess where they were for. I don’t do too bad at this have because of the emotional attachment in those reviews. For info, I don’t review every single place I go; but sometimes I feel a responsibility, like a caped crusader trying to help businesses get better by telling them why they are shit. It’s cathartic too. Otherwise I’d bust a blood vessel. I particularly remember gunning for McDonald’s in Ruislip which is beyond saving. 0 stars.
22:00 Bed
It’s an early night but thank god we didn’t agree to carry on with the cards. Night night.
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